well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
