Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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