He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
