I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
honey bunches of taint.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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