You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
