Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize