I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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