Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize