Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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