You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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