How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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