I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
