seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize