then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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