Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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