just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
