pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
