how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
