Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
