so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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