I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
ugly people sure do ruin things
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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