He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
