im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
