I can text with my tongue
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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