some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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