This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
