there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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