What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize