Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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