I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
