Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
