Me. At least after what I've been through.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
