the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
