I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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