I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
