I think my fart just growled at me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
