Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
