my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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