i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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