i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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