it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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