Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We need a shit load of segways right now
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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