If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize