Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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