what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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