I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is the high leading the old right now
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
