about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
