She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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