It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
