pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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