And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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