She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
