I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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