Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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