don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
