Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
