That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
