So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
