Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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