trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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