Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
