this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
