all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Panties = found
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