Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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