I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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