there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
