shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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