Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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