I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
