Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
