so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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