I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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